


the letter p

by MidnightBlueMoon



Series: December 2018 [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Family Feels, Introspection, References to Addiction, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 08:59:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16950981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightBlueMoon/pseuds/MidnightBlueMoon
Summary: Tony Stark builds himself a family around the letter P.





	the letter p

**Author's Note:**

> Day 4.

For Tony, family starts with the letter P. But he doesn’t realize it first.

It starts, like a lot of good things in Tony's life, with Pepper. She's so _pure_. Too good for Tony, too kind and too sweet, like the candy Tony loved as a kid and replaced with liquor through the years. She’s lovely, stronger than he could have ever been and still so kind.

Pepper is kind even when Tony can't stop spitting poison at her. She doesn't take his shit, she’ll call him out on his bullshit, but she never makes him feel like he’s nothing. Like he’s worthless and meaningless. She shouts back when he’s angry, but she never hurts him. She never takes it personally, when he can’t find soft words for her.

Pepper is the rock Tony clings to when he feels like he's drowning. And he’s been drowning for a long time.

But with her around, it gets better. She doesn't find him passed out on the floor anymore, caring too little about his life to stop drinking. The dark days don’t stop coming, but he doesn’t feel like dying any more. He thinks he might want to live.

He sometimes falls asleep in his lab (actually, more often than sometimes), but the worry lines in Pepper's face smooth out. The tiredness in her eyes fades away with the dark circles underneath his eyes. She kisses his forehead when she finds him with imprints of weird shapes on his face and asks him if he is coming to bed instead of storming off like she used to do. Tony doesn't say it but he sees it – the way she worries less because he finally, finally starts to take steps on his own. Because while he clings to her hand like a toddler, he won't fall if she lets go. He feels wobbly on the bad days, but the good days keep coming and he thinks it might be okay.

Tony is convinced that this is it. This will be his future, his family. Pepper and her soft eyes and her big heart – he feels like he already has more than he deserves.

And then the kid stumbles into his life. It hits Tony like a brick in the face, the realization that this kid is out there being a hero and he is so _young_. And Tony doesn't know what to do with Peter's bright, happy eyes and his nervous ramblings. He's so _pure_. So innocent, and Tony's heart does something that he can't explain – it feels tight and strange inside his chest. Peter is too good for Tony, too.

And sometimes Tony looks at him and he wants to cry, because Peter is so young, in every way. His heart is so soft and even though he has lost people, he’s still kind and sweet. Peter still believes in the good in people, and Toy doesn’t have the heart to tell him otherwise. He would like to hide him away, to keep him out of this, but he doesn't know how to voice it – and deep down he knows he can't really do it. Peter is Spiderman and he’s literally the best thing that could have happened to New York. He’s the kind of hero Tony could never be. And Tony can either be the man that tried to stop him or the man that helped him. He can become the person Peter comes to when he is in trouble, or he can become the man Peter despised when he realizes that he wasn’t the hero Peter thought he was. Tony is kind of terrified that one day Peter is going to realize that some people are just too broken to be fixed.

Tony never wanted kids. He never thought he would be good at being a dad. He knows he isn't... He isn't his _father_ , for God's sake. But sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes he looks at Peter and his heart swells like a balloon in his chest and when Pepper slips a hand into his, he breathes a little easier. Sometimes he feels so fucking proud of Peter, but he can’t form words that make sense and he can’t not tell him, so he builds him suits and protection and sends him home. Tony isn’t sure how to describe the feeling, but he knows that seeing Peter thrive has become one of his favourite things.

Pepper adores Peter. She looks at him with pride in her eyes, with happiness, and Tony curses himself for not making her smile like that more often. But Tony is broken and bruised and sharp-edged and he still manages to make Pepper smile at it – so maybe it's okay.

Tony doesn't trust himself to call Peter anything besides 'kid' or 'Peter'. Should the word 'son' ever slip from his lips, he knows everyone will see that he doesn't mean it the way Steve says it. Pepper knows. Probably. She looks at him with her clever eyes and Tony knows she sees it.

The letter P is Tony's favourite. It seems to be everywhere. Tony isn't sure how that happened – but he can't help but think it's kind of perfect.


End file.
